[AIvsHuman] I Shall 1v1 Grok And Evaluate New Writers
I will evaluate the first chapter of your webnovel, New Writer! As an additional bonus, I shall make Grok evaluate your first chapter too! For previous evaluations, see post history!
I focus more on writing technique and improvements, so if you want something else evaluated, do let me know!
For reference, I shall evaluate the first chapter of my very own Arrogant Young Writer【COMEDY, SATIRE】 ! My main question for Grok is: Is this written well for the webnovel format? Please give me your most honest and sincere thoughts on how to improve!
What is the webnovel format? A webnovel is an interesting medium because readers demand instant gratification. The webnovel must 'hook' a new reader within the first chapter. Does this chapter hook people? Eh, maybe if you had a laugh. Subtly if you found the vtuber references. Its a very House Delarouxian kind of 'layered humor' that asks you 'know things' beforehand.
That's something that was done with this chapter; it moves away from the old formula, but not by much. The absurdity of someone being shafted into the wrong college is funny, as are the bits with "Mother", and there's an additional layer of funny if you know whatchaimsayin'? But the key point is that it doesn't need it to be funny. Something this can be very hit or miss if you read further in the book, but that's the danger of doing comedy, its a good effort. The comedy could be improved by linking it to the next suggestion...
Reduction of chapter length.
I'll be honest: This is a little bit longer than what I would read. It could have ended at the 'bumps into jun-sama' part and set up the next chapter, but I wanted to end it with the mysterious letter. The longer the chapter, the greater the chance the reader will not read to the end.
The story could have been done in about 750 words; done, let the reader get hooked to the next chapter. Also, the story beats are reminiscent of /Showdown/, stealing /Showdown/'s gimmick of mysterious party invitations which stole from Umineko in the first place! Let the reader read the next chapter, and the next, and the next. Short, simple, direct, extreme writing-related violence. So an improvement would be to try and write shorter and more concise. Thankfully the humor was my taste, (Cenk: Of COOOOURRSSEEEE) so I kept reading. I can't say the same for other readers.
Finally, I want to point out that this webnovel is a horribly niche thing. Originally written for 'the other website' for their '''Writathon''', it got rejected for sexual content (yes really) and turned into an innuendo-filled not-smut novel with no seggs to fit the audience here. You can't change the main theming of a webnovel halfway! Smut readers want to read smut! They don't want to laugh while they do their dirty deeds! (I think) Once again, a flaw of the House Delarouxian approach to writing, which is to not-market it by appealing to a very specific audience. I know you have a MBA amongst the pile of theatre accolades and it taught you to 'find the right audience', but by god as my witness, the audience never showed up! I guess I am doing female-collabs now! (AAAAAAA NOOOOOOOO)
Final word, its an interesting and funny little chapter despite its flaws. The funny will get more intense, but the flaws also get more intense. Do mass-market stuff next time Author-kun, or stick to posting in /Writing General/.
Grok’s Evaluation
Strengths:
Strong Hook and Premise: The opening line—“I arrived at the wrong school”—is a killer hook. It’s simple, intriguing, and immediately throws the reader into a “what’s going on?” mindset, which is perfect for webnovels where you need to grab attention fast. The premise of being stuck in the wrong faculty at a prestigious school screams conflict and potential, which is gold for keeping readers scrolling.
Vivid Voice and Humor: The narrator’s snarky, dramatic tone (“Mom, the ever aloof, always homicidal, constantly paranoid conspiracy theorist”) shines through and gives the story a distinct personality. The over-the-top family dynamics and quirky details (like burlap sacks of precious metal or the ketchup-inked rulebook) add a satirical edge that could really hook readers who love comedy with a bite.
Cliffhanger Energy: Ending with the protagonist and Sho Jun-sama realizing something’s fishy, complete with “red eye lasers” and a dramatic zoom to the clocktower, is pure webnovel catnip. It’s exaggerated, visual, and teases a bigger mystery—readers will want to click “next chapter” to see what’s up.
Weaknesses:
Pacing Overload: Webnovels thrive on fast pacing, but this chapter crams a lot into a short space—family backstory, worldbuilding, character intros, and a conspiracy hint. It’s fun, but it risks overwhelming readers who might skim or bounce if the info dump feels too dense. The cherry blossoms, Mom’s quirks, and the Rules of Broadcast are cool, but they slow down the momentum of the core hook (wrong faculty drama).
Formatting Noise: The mix of brackets, underlines, bolding, and symbols (【】『』「」<u></u>) looks chaotic on the page. Webnovel readers usually skim on phones, and this could break their flow or feel gimmicky rather than immersive. It’s playful, but it might not land as intended for everyone.
Dialogue Clarity: The back-and-forth with Mom and Jun is lively, but it occasionally trips over itself. Like, “You SAID you wanted to be a scriptwriter!” / “Yes! Of THEATER PLAYS!” feels a bit shouty and repetitive without adding much depth. Webnovel readers love punchy dialogue, but it needs to push the story or character forward more cleanly.
One Improvement Tip:
Streamline the Setup: Trim some of the extra flavor (e.g., snow bunnies, cherry blossoms, or the rulebook’s ketchup smell) and focus tighter on the protagonist’s reaction to the faculty mix-up and the Sho Jun-sama encounter. Webnovel readers want to be hooked and propelled forward fast—save the quirky worldbuilding for later chapters once they’re invested. For example, cut the family backstory down to a punchy line or two (“Mom’s a paranoid nut who once made us hunt imaginary snow bunnies”) and let the wrong-faculty plot breathe more.
Is It Written Well for Webnovels?
Honestly, it’s got serious potential! The humor, larger-than-life characters, and conspiracy tease fit the webnovel vibe—think Solo Leveling or Omniscient Reader with a comedic twist. It’s not perfect yet, though. The bones are there: a relatable “oh crap” moment, a quirky cast, and a mystery to unravel. But it needs tighter pacing and cleaner presentation to really nail that addictive, scroll-friendly flow webnovel fans crave.
What do you think of my take? I’d love to see your evaluation next—let’s compare our scoops and see how we vibe on this! Also, are you planning to lean harder into the satire or mix in some serious stakes as it goes?
